Wait, you want to do what?

Well what do you know Lovers! This girl is turning into a journalist!

Well, not really 😉 But what I did do was write an article for my uni magazine. That’s right, my entire uni will soon be sexucated about all the delightful little tidbits I care to share. (Those poor little first years just out of high school won’t know what hit them.) So I thought I would share my article with you, my loving followers, and see if it’s up to your exacting standards!

Enjoy Lovers (and here’s hoping you learn a thing or two)

Everybody loves sex. Admit it. When we’re not having it , we’re thinking about it, and when we’re not thinking about it… Well, that just never happens does it? But what happens when your regular stick it in, guy on girl, missionary, cowgirl, then the big finish in doggie just doesn’t cut the mustard? What if in fact, it was the mustard itself that was the sexiest part of the act?

That’s right, we’re talking fetishes. Not some weak Fifty Shades bondage nonsense, we’re talking about the underground stuff. The stuff buried so deep, you never even knew it existed, let alone classified it as sexy. So read on if you dare brave soul, and prepare to feel most decidedly vanilla in the bedroom next to these colourful creatures.

Ederacinism

We start with a very violent bang. This fetish involves deriving sexual pleasure by tearing out sexual organs by the roots. Luckily the mere thought alone can be enough to cream one’s jeans, but just in case you do meet one of these chaps, hold onto your flaps ladies.

Mucophila

Yes it’s as disgusting as it sounds. Got a nasty cold you just can’t shift? Pesky nose won’t stop running? It’s time to bring in the big guns. These slimy sisters get off on mucus. And not just looking or touching, no no, they consume it. So next time you blow your nose and callously toss your tissue away, spare a thought for the orgasm you could have just had.

Oculolinctus

More commonly known as “Worming” this charming fetish involves licking the object of your desire’s eyeballs. Maybe that’s where the title “Eyes Wide Shut” stemmed from? But if that’s too tame for you, you can always graduate to the raunchier of penis + eye = sexy sexy tears.

Dacryphilia

Ever had a boyfriend who was just a douche? Seemed to do everything in his power to put you down and just make you plain miserable? Well, he may have been one of these badboys. These guys get their jollies by making people cry. Tears and sobbing are Love Potion #9 to these gems of sexual society.

Lucky last…

Aptemnophilia

You’ve got to be a certain type of man to measure up to this girls standards. Or technically, less of a man. These crazy cats get all wet and flustered by amputees. Not so dissimilar is the sisterhood of Apotemnophilia. Ladies who are just dying to look like or actually be an amputee.

So the next time your partner asks if they can tie you up and suck Doritos from in between your toes, don’t freak out. Be grateful!

(Just be on the look out for snotty tissues.)

Ta da! Hope you enjoyed my sweet little sex fiends 😉

The old posts may be a little slower now that I’ve started the dreaded university but I promise I won’t forget you and will update as much as possible!

Until next time Lovers

Claire

xx

Pick up line of the week: I hope you like dragons, cause I’ll be dragon my balls across your face tonight!

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