Hey Hey Lovers!
I hope your hump day was full of the afore mentioned activity! Well if not you have every other day afterwards to make up for it, not to mention a long weekend coming up. Come on guys, it’s what Jesus would have wanted. 😉
So I’ve noticed a few of you chomping at the bit to hear the end of my sex saga! And I don’t blame you Lovers, it is quite the juicy tail. However I’ve been sick as a dog the last few days, with the only creative juices flowing out of me being from the nasal cavity. But thanks to joy of Panadol, red cordial and the fact that I have a six hour break at uni, I am happy to finish this sordid fiesta once and for all!
So, RB was looking good with Minnie keeping her ministrations to a maximum. I scooted over to the dance floor where I spotted quite the hottie. I always thought John Smith was too good for Pocahontas and the same could be said for this delicious specimen. Luckily I was no Pocahontas. I strolled up to him and without a word we locked lips. It was great! It was fantastic in the fact that it was so different from all the other encounters I had had that night. There was no fumbling for my breasts in their too tight bra (Hey when you have nothing to push up you just have to squeeze em like pimples. It’s an art.) or a hand sliding down into my undies to suss out the damp status. (Which by that point was slim to none.) It was just good simple kissing. It was the type of kissing I adore. It’s the kiss that you perform when you’re at the club at 1am in the morning and you’ve just spotted the minx you saw earlier in the night but were too sober to approach. But because you have six beers and a pizza tucked up inside you, the world is your kissable oyster. You close in on each other slowly, like a slightly wobbly lioness and lion stalking their unwitting mate. And when you finally get close enough for your lips to touch, they don’t separate for hours. Oh yes, that slightly drunk club kissing is the height of euphoria. I think it’s because the night is yours. You don’t have to be anywhere or do anything until tomorrow. (Unless you want to do said minx and then you can grab a cab and high tail it to the nearest available bed, clean sheets be damned.) That was what this kiss was like. We melted into each other like cream on cake, licking up the excess sweetness with fervor. His hands were running through my hair and my fingers traced his chin. I guess I’m just an old romantic but that kiss was truly my favourite part of the night. When we finally unlatched from each other and got to talking, it turned out John Smith had come with his girlfriend but she had ditched and gone home hours ago.
What a lame ass.
Still John didn’t seem too perturbed as he led me towards the orgy den, which was as packed as I had ever seen it. He squeezed himself in between Peter Pan fucking the daylights out of Ariel and Tinkerbell sucking off Bambi. (Seriously, it was Bambi. That was a weird one.)
I knelt down and started doing what I do best. I had only been going for about five minutes when I felt something tickling my back. I looked up to see Esmerelda leaning over me, a small smile on her face as she took all of what Captain Hook had to give her. I shrugged and got back to work, me downstairs, Esmerelda kissing John Smith, whilst being done doggy by that old rascal Captain Hook, who’s ass was being spanked by that big blue monster from Monsters Inc. I’ve heard of multi tasking but this was insane!
Suddenly Esmerelda tapped me on the shoulder and asked
“Are you going to fuck him?” I shook my head and with a smile stepped aside as she saddled up. I gave John a kiss goodbye and headed for the bar. It had all got a little too crowded in there. As I looked around though I noticed that everywhere else seemed to be getting more and more empty. Was there some secret sex floor I didn’t know about? I sank down into a chair, not realizing just how exhausted I was. A burly man who I can only assume was dressed as Beast approached me to get jiggy but I waved him off with the usual pee line. Only this time he replied with
“You can pee on me if you like.”
Ok, time to go. It’s not that I begrudged anyone a golden shower or two, but I did feel the deepest of sympathies for the bar staff and anyone unlucky enough to be on clean up duty. I smiled and politely declined whilst subtly scanning the room for RB. I couldn’t see him anywhere so I did a quick lap of the whole venue in case he was ensconced in some private corner with Minnie. But he wasn’t to be found, so I decided I’d just text him when I retrieved my phone and be done with it. After all it was only early , I was sure he’d want to stay until close. I however had work in the morning and still had to wash off, well, everything. I grabbed my plastic bag with our stuff in it, careful to pull things out gently so as not to spill RB’s things all over the floor, but to my surprise, when I had pulled my things out, the bag was empty.
“Excuse me,” I said to the burly man behind the bar “Do you have the time?” He looked up and with a wink drawled “It’s three am on the dot love.”
Holy Crap! I’d been sexing for five and a half hours! No wonder I was exhausted! Ok so RB must have gone home then. Well, I thought to myself, I’m sure he did the right thing and texted me telling me he’d gone. I pulled out my phone.
What. A. Douche.
I couldn’t believe it, after all that care I had taken in making sure he was having a good time, making sure he wasn’t feeling left out, making sure he hooked up with the saucy ladies and not the scary ones, this was how he repaid me? I was furious. I shucked off my bra and panties and threw on my grundies and jeans, itching to send an angry text. It was then that I noticed a woman waving at me. She motioned me over and cupped her hand to my ear.
“I just wanted to say good luck with your studies, I’m sure you’ll be a fantastic sexologist!” My heart melted. It was Popeye’s wife, the one I had been chatting to earlier in the night. I couldn’t believe she had remembered all of that. I gave her a big hug and kiss on the cheek and wished her well also.
That one little conversation put me straight back on cloud nine. The entire night I hadn’t experienced a single nasty person. Well, ok one, but he was an exception. I had been standing at the bar with RB waiting patiently for our drinks when the guy next to me just started exploding at the female bartender yelling things like “How long does it take to get a fucking drink around here!” and “For fucks sake woman, can’t you see me here?” Now normally I am a very quiet person and I despise confrontation above all else, but the lingerie, the beer and the scent of sex made me bold. So I stepped up to him and said “Dude, there’s no need to be rude.” He whirled around to face me and started screaming “Rude? Bitch you got here after me and got served first! That’s fucking rude you fucking bitch.”
Luckily while the sex had made me bold, I had still managed to keep a grip on my common sense. So instead of telling the toss pot that we had been served because we weren’t stupid inconsiderate bastards, I smiled sweetly and turned my back on him. I noticed RB had his bristles up a little, so I made sure to lay a calming hand on his arm. No way was I going to get kicked out of this party due to to much testosterone. Besides, karma got him in the end, as I did not see a single woman go near his puny little pork sword all night, and that included the girl he was with. 😉
No, the night was filled with overwhelming kindness, impeccable manners and just a touch of lubricant. Nobody was there there to get trashed and start fights. Nobody was there to get so drunk they couldn’t stand. Everybody was there for one reason. Pleasure. Pleasure and fun. And by god did we have some!
So, I bet you’re thinking, “But Claire, now that you’ve done it, would you go again?” You bet your cotton picking ass I would! So long as I’m single that is. As I said, I’m still a romantic gal at heart, and with that romance comes a jealous streak that could kill a man in under ten seconds.
I left the club floating on a wave of happiness, excited and elated at what I had just achieved. I felt a new sense of who I was as a person. I felt confidant, empowered and most importantly, damn sexy. When I walked past a park bench with a bunch of boys occupying it and they wolf whistled I smiled cheekily and waved. This prompted one of them to say “Oi Love, you want to have some fun? Why don’t you come sit on this?” Charming I know, and normally I would have just kept on walking, but I felt so fantastic that I walked right up to them, got right up in his face and said
“Gosh I’d love to, but I’ve had so many cocks in my mouth tonight I just don’t think I could squeeze one more in. Sorry sweet cheeks.” And I bopped him lightly on the nose and walked away, leaving him and his friends staring after me, open mouthed.
So my Lovers, I have a secret. I take it everywhere with me. It clings to me like an invisible coat I can throw on at any time. And not one of these random passers by will ever know. So remember ladies and gents…
Keep it secret. Keep it safe. 😉
RB aftermath: So what did happen to the man I hear you ask? Well get this peeps, he left a sex party… to go and have sex! Apparently Minnie mentioned anal and in his words he “went into a frenzy.” Of course what he probably didn’t know was that by the time I was leaving there was anal all over the joint! We’re talking wall to wall buttocks. Probably why that guy wanted me to pee on him now that I think about it. Oh well, his loss. What a lame ass 😉
Next challenge? Extreme Tantric Workshop!