Sexual History 101 – Rick + Macca’s = Gush

Evening my sexy Love-Cats! (apologies, just watched the Lion King ;-))

How are we all? Surviving the start of Winter? On the prowl to find a cuddle buddy to get you through those cold nights? Me too Lovers, me too. Thought I’d scored one but then he used the oldest line in the book of “I like you but i just need to focus on me for now.” Cue me trying to keep the little bit of vomit that just sprung from spraying all over my innocent phone. Pfft, focusing on himself? What a girl. I sent back a very witty text wishing him well but not to focus too hard or he’d start to chafe. Ah well, onwards and upwards! In more exciting news I had the most intense sex dream during my nap today, Talk about afternoon delight! So of course being in a great post coital mood I decided to forgo the usual cigarette and blog instead. (I don’t smoke Lovers but I always think about it after sex. Sometimes I’ll keep a box of wafer sticks by my bed so I can pretend to smoke it afterwards. Usually the boy I’m with doesn’t join me. Massive suprise to you I’m sure.)

So, where did I leave off? Ah yes, I had stuck my tongue down Rick’s throat on a night out and was deliriously looking forward to our date.

Here goes!

I will preface this first date by saying right here and now, that it was, quite simply, the best date I have ever been on to this day. I say this because when I explain it, it may not come across as the most glamorous or perfect night. But stick with me through it, and maybe I will be able to convey some of the awesomeness I felt that night.

Rick’s car was…unique. There was a small hole in the exhaust, which meant getting anywhere quietly was a no go. I stepped inside and found a small white pill on my seat. I raised my eyebrows at him and told him he wasn’t very subtle, and that it was supposed to be slipped into a drink, not placed on a seat. Luckily for me Rick was one of the few who understood my somewhat special sense of humour. After a bit of a chuckle he explained his brother has ADHD and his medication must have spilled out when Rick was driving him home one night.

After inspecting the pill and seeing no smiley face or pixies etched into it I decided to believe him and hopped in. The conversation flowed and Rick made me feel at ease almost instantly. The radio was turned onto triple j, or as I like to call it, triple gay. Witty right? (Maybe not.) After a channel change to a bit of soft rock the mood picked up even more and I found myself having a great old time, and we hadn’t even got to our date yet! Rick had decided we were going to a nice little beach side suburb for dinner. (I love love love it when a guy makes the decisions. Practically creamed my jeans right then and there.)

After about half an hour we reached our destination and parked. Like a total gentleman, he came around and opened my door for me, paid for parking and parked right under a light so there was no chance of an unwanted ravishing later on. Truth be told I was a little put out by his last choice, but being the lady I was I kept my ravenous sexual side on the down low. Well, for the meantime anyway.
It really was perfect. We walked along the beach hand in hand, talking about our childhoods, our careers and our families. It would have looked like something straight out of a Hollywood rom­‐com had it not been for me screaming every time I saw seaweed. Seriously that stuff looks really creepy at night. I kept thinking it was a body or something and made Rick double check each sludgy pile, a chore he carried out with not a single complaint or eye roll. That’s when I knew he might be someone quite special. That was also the point when he decided we should get off the beach, but that’s understandable, he did smell somewhat like day old sushi by that time. 
We decided it was time to eat, and of course Rick had it all planned out. Fish and chips on the beach. That was when I had to tell him I was allergic to seafood…

I’m not actually allergic but I find people take it much better than “Yeah no, I just don’t like it.”
His face fell a little but I wasn’t deterred. We would find another restaurant, I told him, and we set off in search of our own private restaurant de lurve. After a good twenty minutes walking I realised why he had looked so disappointed about the seafood issue. Every single restaurant we passed boasted of their award winning snapper, the tenderness of their calamari and the barely poisonous tendencies of their blowfish. I was about to give up and tell Rick the truth, when suddenly his eyes lit up. I swallowed my sentence and followed his gaze until my eyes fell onto what he was staring at.

In all my life I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see the golden arches as I was that day.
 We practically skipped over to them and bounded through the doors. Rick burst out laughing when I jokingly told him I had a craving for a fillet o fish and my heart did a little flip flop. It may have been a preview of the heartburn I would suffer later on but at that moment I put it down to that crazy little thing called love.

We got our burgers and sat at a very romantic table (the only one not covered in food. Score) We dipped chips into Sundays and challenged each other to burger off’s (hence the heartburn, blurgh) And I loved every minute of it. 
Afterwards we went for another walk, this time around the suburbs so Rick could show me his old school. The place looked like a prison but of course I oohed and aahed at his description of the architecture and fantastic facilities.

As our palms started to get sweaty from holding hands so much, I began to realise that this could finally be a guy I wouldn’t mind getting very sweaty indeed with.

Our conversation somehow took a turn toward our respective weights and had me lamenting on the fact that even though I wasn’t massive, no guy I’d dated (all two of them) had ever been able to pick me up. 
Rick took that as an invitation and a challenge all at once and before I knew it I was airborne.

Here’s the bit where it starts getting soppy so if you’re not into that you might want to skip down a few lines.
There I was, nose to nose with the love god, his arms tucked just below my butt, supporting me with apparent ease as my legs dangled between his.

He moved in closer and the smell of pickles wafted towards me.


But even that didn’t stop me from leaning in and participating in one gigantic smacker of a kiss.

Top. Notch.

That’s all I can really say about that particular snog. I guess you just had to be there. 
After he put me down again and I had regained use of my legs, we walked back to his car, stopping in a park to do some bench kissing, before lying down and trying the old grass pash, before finally making it back to the parking lot for some car canoodeling. All very G Rated of course, there might have been the odd boob graze but all in all he was the perfect gentleman.
We talked until two am, before finally realising the night had to end sometime. Rick drove me home and even walked me to my door. When he turned and blew a kiss from his car I almost fell into a pot-­plant. It was just too shocking, too lucky to find a guy this perfect. But for the meantime I was happy to bask in the wonder that was Rick; as soon as I got out of the pot-plant that was.

Ooh who’s intrugued? I am and I know what happens next so it must be good! Still your pounding hearts until next time Lovers, there’s always more to come!

Claire xx

Pick up line of the week: (It’s a bit of a creepy one) I want to live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.

Told you!


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