Dear God Lovers! Months! It’s been months Lovers! The big O has eluded me far too long! What did I do to deserve this shambles of a sex life? And yes, as you know I still have a sex life, quite an active one actually, although not nearly as much as I would prefer. But get this, the last four men I have unbarred the gates for have come and gone without so much as a look at the princess! They charge in on their fancy white horses, sheathed in the best quality latex money can buy, take a quick tour around the castle, pop in on the dragon for a scone or two and then are on their way! When did sexual chivalry die? Gah, it’s a travesty Lovers! Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big supporter of sex being fun even without the big finale, (nothing worse than a guy refusing to come until you do. This is going to be a long night buddy.) but occasionally you just want to throw your head back and scream your carnal thanks to the gods.
It’s probably my own fault. I’m just too nice to my men. Mostly. I have a process. I ease them into things slowly. The first few times I have sex with a new guy it’s all what they want to do. (Up to a point obviously. When they bring out the iguana and oven mitts it’s time to draw the line.) If I went in all guns blazing on the first night they’d probably run for the hills. No no, you need to lure them into a sense of security, that’s when you can start to subtly suggest “changing things up.” Now I’m pretty vanilla as far as sex goes (sad but true) partly because I know exactly what makes me come and partly because I’ve never met a man brave enough to explore new things with me. I only come on top. And I only come on top after a lot of hard and fast grinding. Ohh yeah. This seems to be an experience foreign to a lot of men. The realisation that a girl knows what she needs and doesn’t just rely on the guy and his manly prowess to bring her to that sweet release can be quite scary to the uninitiated. Plus friction burns can be a risk if they’re not man-scaped properly. 😉
But I love a lot of other things too! If a man can stay with me more than a month he is treated to dress ups, bondage, food play and all other sorts of delicious variations. I want to explore tantra, light S & M and all other manner of kinks, but the problem is I don’t want do all this with Timmy Tinder, some dude I just met an hour ago. No no, it’s all about the connection. To get to that intense cookies and cream sex, you’ve got to appreciate the vanilla first. What is this world coming to when a girl can’t get her jollies at least once a month? Argh!
Well Lover’s I hope you enjoy your Friday night. Personally I’m off to scour the supermarket aisles for the most powerful batteries I can find. My poor old regular batt’s just can’t handle the constant use and die out far too quickly for my liking. Nothing like hitting it hard for forty five minutes only to be stopped by a dying vibrator. That’s just cruel. Until next time my Lovely’s, go get that orgasm! You earned it 😉
Best bonking songs: I touch myself
Best used for: When there’s no bonking to be had, it’s time to take matters into your own hands. And do it just once? Christen every room you crazy horn dogs!