Happy Hump Day my Lovely Lovers!
Lets get straight into the mayhem shall we? I’ll continue where we left off, with myself and Callum’s pathetic excuse for a sex life.
Now Lovers, there is only one thing to remember when you’re like me and love being in a relationship. And that my friends, is perseverance. Sure, my first sexual experience with Callum didn’t go exactly as planned, or at all for that matter. In fact the words horrific and frustrating as fuck constantly sprang to mind every time I allowed myself to think about it, but with time and lots of practice, I eventually convinced myself that I could salvage this sexual train wreck.
The first thing I had to boost was his desire. For some reason Callum’s desire for me was not at all where it should have been. The first few months of a relationship are usually the best. All you do I root like rabbits and occasionally go out to dinner and a movie to space out all the relentless fucking. But dinner is usual cut short due to ferocious footsies under the table. And as for the movie, well you’re lucky if you get to the cinema at all as most of the time you end up jumping in the car and making a mess of the backseat. But for Callum and myself there was none of this. Sure I wanted a gentleman, but only on the street, not in the sheets! I decided I just had to show him the way. If I nudged him a little in the right direction, I was sure the floodgates of desire would burst open and I’d be up to my eyeballs in stained sheets before I knew it.
That was how I found myself driving along the main highway decked out like the naughtiest girl to grace the catholic school halls. At each traffic light I frantically adjusted my pig tails, frustrated beyond belief that they still weren’t even after an hour in front of the mirror. Britney Spears blared from my speakers as I tried to get myself into the zone, winking and twiddling my fingers at other drivers who gawked at me as they drove past. If I was getting this many looks from men on their way home from work then I definitely had the slut look down.
Britney and I cruised onwards for a few more minutes, begging anyone who would listen to hit us at least one more time, before I finally arrived.
This was it!
I was still relatively new to the world of sex, after having only slept with two men before Callum, and this was definitely the most daring thing I had ever attempted. It was safe to say I was shaking in my high-heeled boots.
Until I got into character that is.
If you’re ever having trouble with a role-play Lovers, my advice is to completely let go of yourself. Be somebody, anybody else. It can be someone you know, like Jan from accounts or it can be someone you’ve magically created in your head like Benzino the Badass Bingo Master. (Hey whatever floats your boat people, I don’t judge!)
So after assuming the position of Stacey, the lollipop sucking, pigtail twirling slutty little school girl, I sashayed up the stairs, swathed in the biggest black coat I could find. No point giving Callum’s neighbours a free show now was there?
I arrived at his door, knocked twice, and allowed the coat to slip from my shoulders and form a puddle at my feet.
There was movement behind the door. I could hear footsteps. For a moment I panicked, thinking Callum may have some unexpected visitor staying over that was about to cop an eyeful, but as I heard the slip slap of bare feet, I knew it was the man himself about to answer the door.
This was it!
The door swung open. Callum looked me up and down slowly, a hungry look in his eyes and a bemused smile on his face. I quivered inside, right deep down to my schoolgirl lunchbox. Oh yes, he liked it all right. Any moment now he would lunge at me with animalistic lust, throw me over his shoulder and carry me into the bedroom, after which he would spank me within an inch of my life before demonstrating his authority by inserting his ruler into my pencil case!
Bring it on!
Callum finished his perusal of my appearance and finally said,
“So, you hungry?”
What the french fried fuck?!
Hungry? Did I look like I was dressed for a damn dinner party? How clueless could he be? What on God’s green earth did I have to do to get this guy to screw me?
Fuck, fuck, fuckity, frustration, fuck!
After relaying these words to Callum he simply looked at me in shock, completely nonplussed about what he had done wrong.
“Ok, ok lets have sex I guess.”
Oh wow, what an invitation. Take me now master. Pfft, what a joke.
I sighed and instead of being carried, sloped into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. There was another seventy bucks wasted on sexy lingerie for my apparently asexual boyfriend.
“You look nice.” Callum muttered, but I was way past accepting compliments at that point. Besides, I would have much rather he said something along the lines of “Oh yeah girl, you look like one skanky ass bitch.”
Ok, maybe not quite so ghetto but you get the idea, I was not dressed for a church lunch with the Vicar.
So we had sex, and it was lame, the highlight being when I scratched Callum’s thigh with my high heel.
But also a little bit of ‘hah, you deserved that you prudish bastard.’
Then we had dinner and watched tv and went to bed like a couple who had been dating for two years instead of two months.
A smart girl would have ended it. A smart girl would have seen that there was not enough to sustain a relationship and finished things before it got messy. A smart girl would have walked away.
I am not a smart girl.
However little did I know that in the next month, something was about to happen that would change our relationship forever. And probably not for the better.
Dum, dum duuummm…
Pickup line of the week: Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell my friends we did anyway.