Wowsa, talk about a week of ups and downs! We’ll get the downs out of the way first so unlike the last blog we can end on a happy note. If I ever write such depressing self-pitying sludge again Lovers, you must take me to task! Honestly, who wants to read that woe is me nonsense when you can read about all the crazy men I meet?
Ok so let’s speed through the downs. Last Monday I was at my local shopping centre when I stumbled across an attractive looking man selling whisks. He was performing his spiel to a small group of mostly senior citizens and I decided to join the crew.
Boy was he enthusiastic about that whisk!
It whisked, it stirred, it frothed milk in an instant! He was very into what he was doing, and a man with ambition, well that’s a man I like.
So I watched and waited like a creepy stalker until he was finished. Then once he announced the price of the magical whisk ($49!) and everyone shook their heads and walked away, I moved in to ‘whisk’ him off his feet.
Pause for laughter.
I led the conversation with, “So, you sell many of these things?”
“Yeah I usually sell about ten but today was a bit rough.” I nodded sympathetically and asked if he worked on commission, which he did.
“Oh, well I’m sorry I couldn’t buy one from you then and help you out.”
Bitch please, I wouldn’t buy a fifty-dollar whisk from Brad Pitt, let alone an averagely attractive fellow.
“That’s ok,” he said with a smile.
It was go time.
“So, weird question, but are you single?”
Fuck yeah, no lumps in my gravy; that’s my level of smooth.
He looked at me confused for a minute before replying that yes in fact he was single.
“ Do you want to catch up for a drink sometime?” I asked, thanking the lord I’d brushed my hair that day and put on my nice deodorant.
He agreed, much to my delight and he took my number. While he was doing that I apologised for being so forward but he said it was nice and he liked it.
Oh I can do so many more ‘nice’ things to you buddy boy.
We smiled at each other and I walked away, with him promising to get in contact soon.
The bitch lied!
I never heard from the bastard again! It’s cool though, I just tell myself I gave him the wrong number.
That way I win!
I’ll save my other disappointing date story for next time, I’m still holding out hope as he hasn’t deleted me from Tinder…Yet.
Ok, now onto the freaking absolutely omg exciting news!
So, as you know Lovers, my chamber of secrets has remained closed for some time now, with no one’s wiggle wand coming within remote proximity of it. Which is why when an old friend with certain benefits suggested I fly over for the weekend to enjoy those long lost benefits, I jumped at the idea. If the mountain won’t come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain!
The only problem was that getting to that mountain involved me flying interstate…
Not easy for a university student who works on weekends.
Luckily my mountain was happy to negotiate and my boy decided to fly to me!
Huzzah for the moveable land mass!
Now, I’m not one to miss an opportunity, so I thought what better time to check out another sex party? I’d attended the largest sex party in Australia, but what about the biggest swingers party? As luck would have it, the very weekend my boy was coming to town, the swingers party was officially scheduled!
Coincidence? I think not!
The party is held at a secret location (someone’s house usually), which has been modified to accommodate all of the lusty ladies and Lotharios that would be descending on it. We’re talking lockers, private and public rooms and the piece de resistance, a spa!
Apparently these guys got up to ninety couples in the summer and usually around seventy in winter. That’s a lot of naked bodies.
My type of party!
Sadly whilst writing this piece, my fly in sex has had to cancel and can’t make it over until September (very large sad face).
But I’ve decided I’m still going, whether I find a partner in crime or not. I’ll probably ask Boris first (if you’re going to a sex party you may as well take someone who serves up some first class sex right?)
However, as of today I may (emphasis on may) have a backup.
A friend on Facebook suggested I join a social network/dating website called Badoo. I’m already on Tinder, Bumble and Plenty of Fish, so I figured why not one more?
For about a week it was a total bust and I almost deleted it several times.
His name is Paul and boy is he… different.
He contacted me first, which I found very surprising due to the fact that he was pretty damn gorgeous. I soon found out why he was reaching out though.
Paul is into SPH.
At first I thought he meant Strategically Placed Hole (which refers to plushophiles. It’s basically when they cut a hole into Big Ted so they can fuck him. Or ‘furries’ who dress up in costumes, usually animals or some sort of fluffy character and cut a hole in a ‘strategic area.’)
I wasn’t too keen on that idea, it’s never really been on my ‘to do’ list. However Paul’s profile stated if you weren’t into it you probably shouldn’t talk to him. I was about to delete him when he typed back a quick message and corrected me.
SPH in his case wasn’t Strategically Placed Hole, no no, it was Small Penis Humiliation.
Now that I can do!
After chatting to Paul for a little while I discovered he is deep deep into the humiliation game. We’re meeting up on Friday but we’ve already started with the whole dom/sub talk. I make him call me mistress and tell him what to do.
I’m pretty excited for Friday but I’m also a little nervous. I’ve tied guys up before, whipped them, blindfolded them, dripped hot wax on them whilst smacking them with my riding crop, but I’ve never done cock and ball torture. I’ve never given someone a golden shower or done many of the things Paul is requesting. I asked what ideas he had so I could gauge his level and boy do I need to do some research! His reply to my question went a little something like this… In fact it went exactly like this.
“ I like things like measuring my cock and comparing it to guys you’ve been with. Taking pics and threatening to show your friends or showing me and embarrassing me. Ruining my orgasms or not letting me cum. Making me wear my chastity cage. Make sure I please you and you cum before I’m allowed to cum. Licking out your pussy and ass. If I’m ever allowed to cum I have to lick up my mess wherever it goes. You forcing me to suck a strap on you’re wearing because I’m small and girly. Making me wear girls panties. Maybe me fucking you with a strap on because mine is too small. There’s just an idea of things.”
Holy shit, the dude has a chastity cage?!
I’m all up for humiliating the dude but some stuff is a definite no methinks. We all know where I stand on the ass stuff don’t we?
The good thing is, I’m the dom, so what I say goes. Luckily he seems very obedient, so I’m sure if I’m not liking the vibe and tell him to bugger off and have a wank at home he’ll oblige.
I guess kissing’s out of the question too, as he just sent me a message asking if he can lick me out straight after I’ve peed.
Well I suppose it saves on toilet paper…
Anyways Lovers, the point here is, I have a very exciting, experimental weekend ahead that I cannot wait to tell you all about! Everyone cross your fingers that he doesn’t cancel and I’ll do my best to stay open legged and minded and learn some kinky kink!
Pickup line of the week: You can call me Nemo, cause I’m never afraid to touch the butt.