What’s crackalacking Lovers?
Oh how I’ve missed our time together! Unfortunately (or as my parents and society keeps telling me) university comes first!
Pfft, lame ass society, who needs it? Just leave me with the kinksters and the swingers and I’ll be happy as a clam! Sadly, clam times will have to wait until certain Bachelor degrees are completed, but until then, let’s dive back into the sexy splendor that was the Festival of Really Good Sex shall we?
Ok, it’s time for… Electrosex!
That’s right Lovers, break out the extension cords, things are about to get static!
So, as you can imagine, I had eagerly been awaiting this particular session all day, intrigued beyond compare as to how this strange new (well, new to me anyway) sexual practice took place.
Truth be told I was also slightly nervous. After all I had only just finished sliding around in deliciously slippery Nuru, remnants of which I could still feel in certain crevices and cracks of my body.
Was it really a good idea to add electricity to the mix?
But I needn’t have worried. Unlike the other classes, which were mostly hands on (pun intended) this class was much more sit, watch and be amazed. Or should I say shocked? Sigh, there’s just way too many electricity puns to fit into one little post.
Our delightful (and might I add delicious) teachers were the owners of Eagle Leather, only one of the best leather, kink and all things sexual store in the state. I was humbled that they took time out of their day to come and educate us novices on how to not accidentally kill ourselves with tens machines and electric butt plugs. (Now that would be a hard one to explain to the parents.)
Anyways, our educators consisted of one busty leather clad blonde named Pepper and one casually dressed guy named BJ. Pepper looked incredible. Both myself and my wet hairless friend from Nuru lusted after her outfit as soon as we clapped eyes on her, heedless of how long it had actually taken her to get into it. (Apparently there’s quite a process including copious amounts of talcum powder to get a body into said leather body suit.) But once she was in, damn! The outfit was topped off with black heels and a deadly looking black corset. At one point we both snuck over to ask if we could purchase such an outfit at her store. Our minds were racing, chock full of all the naughty scenarios we could enact dressed in such attire.
Sadly our hopes were dashed when she informed us the ensemble had set her back around $800.
Apparently being sexy is quite the investment.
I think she noticed our faces drop, as she hurriedly went on to divulge a 50% off sale in the next week. It was very sweet of her, but $400 to two uni students was still about $375 more than we’d hoped (ok dreamed, we knew it was never going to be cheap.)
Slightly dejected, but fervently calculating the cost of two minute noodles for the rest of our lives, we sat back down again to observe the master at work.
BJ was a great presenter. He was funny, down to earth and most importantly, he really knew his stuff.
The first thing he did was to completely terrify us. In the nicest way of course. You see as it turns out, people don’t enjoy spending a lot of money on legitimate sex toys, preferring to make their own and experiment. This is all well and good if you’re just throwing a condom on a cucumber, but as BJ quickly informed us, mixing electricity and pubes often equates to disastrous consequences (not to mention bald patches.)
One of his ‘friends’ an electrician no less, connected some wires to his nipples and flicked the switch… effectively ridding himself of said nipples. Apparently now he just has two little black craters where his poor nips used to be.
I crossed my legs and sat up straighter, keen not to miss some vital step or detail that would leave me singed or sans hair.
As it turned out, there was quite an art and a method to this whole electrosex thing. It’s all about circuits. Both Pepper and BJ urged us to never ever complete a circuit above the waist, as this brings the electricity dangerously close to the heart. Pepper angrily conveyed her experience of the most recent SEXPO exhibition, where electrosex stall holders would run up to people and invite them to try the product. This would be all well and good, explained Pepper, if they weren’t asking people to hold one part of the circuit in one hand and the other part in the opposite hand, effectively creating a circuit directly across the persons chest.
It was a bit concerning that even some of the people selling this stuff didn’t know how to use it. I was so glad we had teachers who seemed well informed to say the least.
So without further ado, BJ pulled out the first toy.
A clear glass butt-plug.
You could sense everyone leaning infinitesimally forward, eager to get a better look at this strange new toy.
BJ explained the many ways we could utilise such a toy. If you were a guy having some solo fun you would use it with a urethral sound (you know, the skinny long piece that goes up your pee hole. Ouch.)
Anyways, if you used the butt plug on it’s own it won’t work (electrically that is.) Sure you can just use it as a regular boring plug, but if you wanted the zing of electricity, you needed the sound to create the circuit. As BJ told us, the circuit created a buzz of electricity that circulated from the guys butt, through his pelvis, penis and balls.
Sounds good if you’re a guy hey?
But what about us girls?
Never fear ladies! There are in fact, two ways we can utilise said butt plug. First, if you want to have partner sex, one goes in your butt, the other goes in your partners butt and then you guys become the circuit!
I thought that was pretty cool and actually quite romantic. Pepper’s leather suit came into play during this demonstration, as the less skin exposed, the more intense and centred the current of electricity. Pepper showed us the zip located in the crotch of her suit, explaining how all the electricity would stay around her muff if she and BJ remained fully clothed. As soon as you get naked, you lose the intensity, as the current moves around other parts of your body.
Pepper ad BJ then decided it was time for a real demonstration. So, as I said, there were two ways to use a butt plug, the other way is to hook it up to your very own battery operated power box (yay, fun without plug ins required!) Very handy if the power goes out I’m sure.
To our suprise Pepper got down on all fours facing away from us and unzipped her crotch zip, exposing her amazing ass (seriously it was so perfect it looked almost plastic!) BJ hooked up the butt plug and squirted some lube onto his finger. With an apologetic glance down at Pepper he eased his finger into her ass, explaining to us that they normally did four hour workshops rather than two, so he would have to rush Pepper’s warm up a little.
I felt bad for her. She was about to have a plug rammed up her ass and this was the part they were going to rush? Luckily BJ seemed to be genuinely concerned for her comfort. Again, I was struck how even the most “gross” or “dirty” things could be so romantic in my eyes. This demonstration was definitely neither of those things to me and I felt a twinge of sympathy for the people who weren’t open minded enough to attend with me, as they were missing such a fascinating and intimate exchange.
Once Pepper was primed, BJ slowly slid the plug in and turned his power pack on. We watched on, enthralled as the plug began to pulse lightly.
“As you can see,” began BJ “the plug effectively fucks the person as it pulses.”
You definitely couldn’t disagree with the man as he turned the dials up and up. The plugs thrusting action became more and more obvious and Pepper let out a few soft noises.
“Are you enjoying that Pepper?” Someone asked hesitantly from the crowd, as if reading the very same thoughts that had entered my mind.
“Normally I would have come by now,” answered Pepper, a little breathlessly, “it’s just a little more difficult with a crowd.”
We all nodded understandingly, awed by her actions and stamina.
Then, all of a sudden, the plug popped out and fell onto the ground.
A soft “aww” went through the crowd as we thought it had merely fallen out accidentally. Boy were we wrong.
About a second after the plug popped out, Pepper had the most incredible orgasm, squirting explosively before collapsing onto her stomach, and having what I could only describe as a seizure.
Now I understood why they laid down a tarp before hand. That girl had some distance.
We were all shell shocked, completely silenced by the amazing orgasm experienced right in front of us. BJ smiled and walked up to Pepper, her body slowly stopping it’s frenzied convulsions.
“So you see,” BJ started, crouching down beside her, “it’s quite an intense feeling.” Our mouths dropped open as he reached over and twiddled a few fingers into her soaking vag, sending her into violent spasms again.
Good god, and I thought my orgasms could be good. Teach me how to do that!
As it turned out, my thoughts on the romantic manner of the class were bang on, as Pepper and BJ were in fact boyfriend and girlfriend.
Oh my god. Cutest. Couple. Ever.
Once Pepper had cleaned herself up a little it was time for us to have a go! Nothing as extreme as what we had witnessed (much to the disappointment of some people) but instead the plug was placed in the crook of our elbows (after it had been cleaned, obviously.)
Ooh, that’s another romantic thing about electrosex! (Wow, there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.) The toys are monogamous. Because they have all sorts of plugs and holes and stuff, it makes them difficult to clean. Obviously you still give them a wipe down but you can never get them as pristine as your regular vibe. I liked it. If you were going to make such an investment in something (the buttplug alone was $400 with the powerpack another cheeky $400) then it should be with someone you love and trust, or at the very least who you fuck regularly.
The actual sensation of the electricity was not what I expected. At first it just felt like a regular vibrator, but as they slowly turned it up it got much more intense. The closest thing I can liken it to is when you go to pop a mint in your mouth, but as you tip the tin up into your mouth you accidentally get five of the bastards instead of one. I think that powerful cool burn is the sensation closest to it, although really, don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself!
So that’s electrosex Lovers! So cool right? I swear, one Powerball and I’m rigging my place up with power-points galore!
What’s next I hear you ask? Well that would be the last class of the festival: The Art of Fellatio!
Excited? You should be.
Ok Lovers, instead of the usual pickup line or bonking song, today it’s all about what you can do for me! The Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheroes competition is happening again and it’s time to vote! I mean obviously I hope you vote for me but hey, no judgement if you go for one of the others (there are like 380 to choose from, so no pressure.) But if you like catching up with me and hearing about my sexcapades, then vote for me! Let’s see if we can keep that coveted spot 84 in the top 100! Just go to the link below and vote away! Love you long time Lovers XX