Hidey ho Lovers!
I hope you’re all doing well on this, my most favouritist of days, Hump Day! (Yes I know favouritist is not a word and yes, secretly Friday is my actual favourite, but doesn’t Hump day just get you so in the mood for fun?) Well, it certainly works for me Lovers! I’ve just spent the last twenty minutes casting lines on Tinder. Let’s hope someone bites! (Preferably a gentle nibble in that sensitive spot between my neck and shoulder, but I’m not fussy.)
Until then, how about I finish off my tale of super slippery sexiness? (Just a note here Lovers, if you haven’t read the last post yet I advise you to do so before you continue. You will be so confused otherwise! Wait, how did she get naked? Why is everyone slippery? What on Earth is that?)
So, now that we’re all up to date, let’s dive back in!
After I had sufficiently soaked up enough Nuru from my squirming on the tarp I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I looked up to see both my group members staring off to the side, transfixed.
“Look, just look,” said Darren breathlessly.
I looked up just as he said and the breath was literally stolen from my lungs.
There, right in front of my eyes was a mass of roiling, slippery, entwined bodies. I hadn’t even noticed people begin to clump together, so ensconced in my own little group was I. But now it was all I could do to look away for even a moment!
Shrieks of delight rang out as the group began to slide over each, effortlessly making it from one side of the room to the other atop the churning crowd beneath them.
I watched, mouth agape, as people literally dove into the mass of people as if it were a swimming pool. The most incredible part of it was when they would disappear from sight and resurface metres away, having ridden the slippery wave of people as far as the Nuru would allow.
I began to worry when individuals didn’t resurface for some time, fearing they may have actually drowned in the slick, stirring mass of people (not a bad way to go, as it happens) but then they would always reappear, laughing hysterically (if not a little breathlessly) and preparing to dive back into the fray once more.
Darren readied himself to jump in and I instinctively grabbed his arm and said, “wait, don’t go!”
He looked at me quizzically and asked, “why not?”
I paused, trying to think of some excuse to make him stay on the edge with me.
But that’s when it hit me.
I was holding Darren back because I was too nervous to dive in myself. Pfft, what a wuss!
There was no way I was going to admit I was apprehensive out loud though.
No no Lovers. I have a tendency to think about sexual encounters the same as any dangerous situation. Play it cool, wear lots of deodorant and never, never let them sense your fear.
There was only one thing for it, I had to make the leap myself and hope for the best.
I sent a quick prayer to the sex gods, knowing there was a more than average chance that my slide across the room could well leave me face first in a slippery ass crack, and leapt into the throng.
Only to come to a grinding halt two people in.
That’s the thing about Nuru bodygliding Lovers, you actually have to be coated in the stuff for it to work!
As it turns out, my skin (much like my minge) was ravenously soaking up the Nuru as fast as it was being applied!
Gah! How was I supposed to slide around if the damn gel kept drying up? Luckily my very helpful boys noticed my conundrum and motioned over one of the volunteers doling out the Nuru.
They quickly explained my ‘situation’ and before I knew it I was saturated in an entire bottle of the stuff!
“Go, go!” Cried the boys encouragingly and once more I flung myself into the crowd.
This time was much more successful. I giggled uncontrollably as I effortlessly slid over faces, stomachs, feet and all manner of body parts. My main fear was crushing some poor man’s wang as I flew past, as almost all the boys were raised to at least half mast (it may not have been a ‘sexual’ experience per say, but you show me a straight guy who can stay soft in a room with thirty naked women and I’ll eat my hat!) Luckily no men were injured in my first foray into the crowd, however I landed with a smack against the wall.
It’s ok, I broke the impact with my kneecaps.
Once I recovered somewhat from my little tête-à-tête with the wall I was able to take stock of my situation. I was right in the thick of the action now, and I let my mind go blank as I tried to soak up everything I was seeing and feeling, imprinting the images on my Nuru glazed brain.
It wasn’t long before I was joined by Anna, one of the girls I had gotten to know pretty well over the course of the day. She slid across five or ten people with a grace I envied before coming to rest beside me with a cute little squelch.
“Guess what?” She whispered in a conspiritual voice.
“What?” I asked breathlessly as a middle-aged woman slid shrieking across my stomach.
“I’m wet!” She exclaimed.
For a moment I was puzzled, and opened my mouth to agree that yes we were all indeed, wet, when suddenly I grasped her meaning.
The bitch was completely turned on!
Of course I didn’t blame her, the guy she had met at the festival was basically every woman’s wet dream and he had been slithering his gorgeous bod all over her for the past hour. I was just jealous of her abilities.
A quick check of my own lady garden revealed not a hint of salad dressing betwixt my leaves, even with the crazy amount of penis being thrust into my face.
Unintentionally of course, the intentional thrusting was to be saved for other classes later in the day.
But there wasn’t much time to dwell on lubricant inadequacies, as the surging crowd quickly enveloped me once more.
I lay there, doing as everyone else did, (which basically meant just stroking everything in front of me as it appeared then disappeared,) when suddenly the smoothest pair of legs I had ever laid hands on came within my grasp.
“Good god woman,” I gasped, “how did your legs get so smooth?”
As it turned out, the follicly challenged pins belonged to Anna, but in the knot of people they could have belonged to anyone.
Damn, was there nothing this girl couldn’t do?
As I continued to stroke the hairless unicorn’s legs I questioned her about how she achieved such a magnificent result.
We were chatting about the wonders of laser hair removal when suddenly a voice issued from the other side of the room, “but how many sessions did you do?”
Before we knew it the voice was closely followed by an extremely excited woman, eagerly clawing her way across five men in order to join the conversation.
Geez, even in a room full of fifty naked people; boobs, butts and wangs in every direction, you can always trust girls to chat about beauty regimes.
It’s clearly a built in quality.
By the time the conversation drew to a close we realised we had monopolised a good portion of the women in the room, much to the chagrin of the waiting naked men.
We all giggled and pushed ourselves outwards, allowing the Nuru to redistribute us wherever it saw fit.
I ended up sliding right into a scene from Dante’s Inferno, as one of the more adventurous men stood, raised his arms and cried, “come to me, Devil children!”
You just had to laugh; the situation was so absurd!
However, my laughing soon stopped when I realised the predicament I was in. I had let myself become so loose, so relaxed, that my limbs simply flailed where they liked.
Usually they slid off other body parts with ease, but this time, the heel of my foot was… stuck.
I realised what had happened the same time the unfortunate woman did, and I slowly and carefully retracted my foot from her vagina, issuing heartfelt apologies as I did so.
I wouldn’t say the act of penetrating someone with my foot was on my sexual bucket list, but I guess I can officially tick it off now.
Huzzah for new experiences!
Although seriously though if the woman involved ever reads this I am really very sorry and hopefully my heel didn’t cause damage or incite an intense foot fetish.
I’ll say this at the end now Lovers, if you’re planning on partaking in bodygliding, prepare yourself.
Have a shower, cut your nails and if there’s time, rub your feet in coconut oil. You never know where they’ll end up…
Pickup line of the week: If I flip this coin, what are the chances of me getting head tonight?